Our bodies are intimately connected with the great rhythms of sun, moon, and stars; so it makes sense that we and our children feel reassured when days, weeks, months and years unfold in predictable reliable ways, with ample capacity for the spontaneous and the unexpected. It can seem like a miracle to watch a soul-fevered child calm down and begin to sleep well just from introducing a rhythmic reliable soothing bed-time ritual.
Parents who have been simplifying for years have all sorts of tips for introducing rhythmic activities or moments for connection to make those “It’s a battle every day” times become easy transitions.
Rhythm: From the Simplicity Parenting Audio Series
Establish rhythms and rituals. Predictability (routines) and transparency (knowing the day’s plan) are soothing pressure valves for children. Here are ways to ease daily tensions, create battle-free mealtimes and bedtimes, and tell if your child is overwhelmed.
“Rhythm calms and secures children, grounding them in the earth of family so they can branch out and grow.”
Golden Moments
Why Benefits
Six Keys
Real Stories
The Conundrum
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“Rhythms and Schedules”
By Victoria Winterhalter., Richmond Family Magazine
“Life today for most
families is characterized more by randomness and improvisation than rhythm. Tuesday wash day? Cookies and milk after school? Sunday roast beef dinner? With both parents usually working outside the home, these kinds of weekly markers may sound more quaint than realistic,” writes Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting. However, if you’re looking for ways to ease daily tension, Payne claims you need to increase the rhythm of your home life.
“Meaning hides in repetition,” argues Payne. According to Simplicity Parenting, it sends the message that “We do this every day or every week because it matters.” Payne acknowledges you might be inclined to argue, “But my family is way too busy to have any kind of rhythm to our days.” His response, “The busier your life, the more your children need and will benefit from the establishment of a sense of rhythm.”
“Rhythm calms and secures children, grounding them in the earth of family so they can branch out and grow.” Payne continues, “For parents, the advantages of rhythm are equally pronounced. Rhythm carves the necessary channels for discipline, making it more intrinsic than imposed. Where well-established rhythms exist, there is much less parental verbiage, less effort, and fewer problems around transitions.”
Be it books at bedtime, dinners together, or regular walks – Payne believes, “By being a parent that commits to regularity…you become, by extension, a parent kids can be with, doing nothing.” According to Payne, this provides your child with a profound comfort, “a sense of ease that doesn’t depend on a shared interest, activity, or conversation.” He believes, “The magic of rhythm is in the process, not the particulars.” According to Simplicity Parenting, “Any repeated ‘note’ or activity of the day can be made more rhythmic.” Take, for example, Payne’s suggestion to have children practice their musical instruments in the morning after breakfast when they are rested. Even a child slow to wake up will balance their mood by playing music, claims Payne.
Like Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merriman (a previous Parenting by the Book title), Payne also presents compelling information to support the necessity of scheduling enough time to sleep. Payne writes, “According to studies done by Dr. Avi Sadeh of Tel Aviv University, the performance gap caused by just one hour’s less sleep was equivalent to the normal gap between a sixth-grader and a fourth-grader. In other words, your sixth-grader who’s going to school sleepy may be learning and behaving at a fourth grade level.”
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“The Beginner’s Step-by-Step Guide to Creating a Family Rhythm”
By Jennifer S., The Natural Parents Network
Life as a parent can seem like 
an endless to- do list. Days are filled to the brim and it is easy to fall prey to feelings of overwhelm. It is even easier to let chaos take over. By the end of the day, many parents feel like all they have done is chased their tail trying to keep it all somewhat together.
Then there are those families where each day genuinely has a peaceful flow. That endless to-do list is actually manageable. There is time for work and there is time for play. There is even time to enjoy life. Is this even possible?
Yes!
Children (especially those under the age of seven) thrive on knowing what comes next in their day. When mom or dad is running amuck in a constant frenzy of start-stop, children simply cannot handle this. Neurologically they are unable to make sense of the flurry of chaos they are thrust into. This in turn leads to meltdowns, lack of cooperation, emotional irregularity, difficulty sleeping, general restlessness, and a host of other less than desirable qualities. Parenting a child who has been forced to “deal” with an unpredictable routine becomes challenging at best. It also often means that mom or dad gets even less done than planned. There is no balance to the day.
This is where the importance of establishing a family rhythm comes in.Rhythm is the daily, weekly and yearly recurring activities in our lives that are done with intention and love. These activities typically have a pattern which reflect the natural order of life. Rhythm creates balance and organic order in life.
Rhythm is:
- Based on anchor points (wake up time, nap time, bedtime, meal times, and scheduled obligations such as school and work)
- Flexible and fluid
- Inclusive of everyone’s needs
- Calming
- Predictable
- Natural
Rhythm is not:
- A concrete schedule
- Rigid
- Stressful
- Static
- Forced
A lot of parents have difficulty distinguishing between a schedule, a routine, and rhythm. Schedules are harsh, rigid, and demanding and center on the concept of “at.” (We take nap at 3:00). A routine is a typical pattern with some uncertainty and centers on the concepts of “sometimes” and “usually.” (We usually take naps by 3:00, but our day usually falls apart at some point so sometimes we do not get a nap). Rhythm is a flow where B happens after A and C comes before D. Rhythm is natural and organic. The key to rhythm is that it centers on the concept of “around.” (We take a nap around 3:00). It molds around the lifestyle already in place for a family. Rhythm helps children know what comes next in their day and often allows them to make an easy transition to the next activity or anchor point. Rhythm helps parents stay committed to their to-do list in a way that allows for flexibility and much less stress. When you practice a healthy rhythm, you can more easily see and adapt to big changes or shifts that may occur.
How does one go about establishing a daily rhythm?
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Crafting a Weekly Rhythm Chart
Sometimes a visual reminder of our carefully thought-out weekly rhythm is helpful in turning intentions into a lifestyle. A simple homemade chart can be helpful as helpful for parents as it is for children, to stay on track and to have a good feel for what is coming next. There are many lovely examples of charts to be found for inspiration.
This felt chart highlights “anchor” points of the day with permanent markers, and has moveable felt labels with symbols for more changing parts of the day. Read more about it at the
“Clean” blog at LusaOrganics.
Another very simple weekly rhythm is shown here, posted on The Magic Onions blog.
This one is gives some flexibility with circles to mark activities that are not the same every day. You can read more about setting this chart up at Chocolate Eyes.
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